Work Text:
It was the last week of the term before winter break when Malleus learned about it. That was extremely short notice, considering how many arrangements he now needed to make, but it was better than not finding out at all. As it was, the matter came to his attention when he went to Ramshackle to bid goodbye to Yuu before the winter break. He generally tried not to seem too openly delighted about the entire school being held back a year due to what was being referred to as The Finals Week Incident. However, it did mean he could spend more of whatever time was left before STYX’s inter-dimensional research found a way to send them back home than if he had to take an off-campus internship this year.
When he met Yuu, they were singing a tune he didn’t recognize under their breath. This was not uncommon, they often sang to themself when lost in thought, and if they were thinking of their homeworld then they would sing songs that didn’t exist in Twisted Wonderland. They were gazing out at the snow-covered quad with a wistful expression that didn’t match the cheerful tune of the song, so Malleus waited politely for them to notice he was there. When they did, their entire expression lit up with a fond smile that always tugged the corners of his own lips up in return. They had both been unsure about entering a romantic relationship when the headmage might announce he was ready to send Yuu back home any day, but after… certain events… he had been determined to savor every moment he had with the people he cared about, to not let any opportunity to show his love slip by. Every time Yuu smiled at him, he knew he made the right choice.
Leaning down slightly so they could kiss his cheek, he greeted them, “Good day, Child of Man. May I ask what’s on your mind?”
“There’s a holiday that’s gonna happen over the break. It’s a pretty big deal where I’m from, so I’m used to seeing all sorts of decorations and other people celebrating around now,” they leaned slightly into Malleus before continuing, “Apparently this world does have an equivalent, but according to Rollo it’s basically only celebrated in Fleur City.”
Malleus huffed quietly at the reminder of Rollo’s presence at Ramshackle (Why was the student council president allowed to invent a student exchange program and then send himself on it? Surely he had responsibilities at his school!), but decided to proceed as if he hadn’t heard that last part, “Is that tune you were humming related to the holiday? It sounds quite cheerful.”
“Mmn, it is. Do you wanna hear the lyrics?” At Malleus’s nod, they took a deep breath in and launched into song, “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree! On the second day…”
Yuu continued on while the gears began to turn in Malleus’s head. So, this holiday was an occasion for giving gifts to your true love? Did the song outline the specific gifts one was supposed to obtain, or were they not proscribed? Certainly, Malleus didn’t think he could go wrong following the examples in the song. For one thing, most of the items sounded difficult to arrange, which would prove how much effort he was willing to put into doting on Yuu. For another, they looked so genuinely happy singing to him, their eyes sparkling as they rattled off a list of poultry, and had looked so wistful by themself earlier. Clearly they wanted someone to bring them all those gifts, but thought there was no chance, since Malleus did not know what this “Christmas” was. Therefore, he would set to getting them every item in the song, and see their eyes sparkle like that again. He asked them to sing it one more time, ensured he had the whole list memorized, and then asked for the date of the first day of Christmas. The topic didn’t come up again for the rest of their conversation, but when they parted ways, he had a plan.
Yuu had not intended to spend most of Christmas out of Ramshackle. However, when they went to feed the fire fairies they discovered Floyd had been a little over-enthusiastic when it was his turn, and now the kitchen was almost out of firewood. Trying to get the mer-mafia to replace it was obviously a lost cause, but luckily Rollo was willing to chip in to get more from the town in the foothills. Ernesto offered to help carry it back as well, as long as Yuu looked after Gino while he played in town, which was how Yuu realized Rollo had never been introduced to the pair of carnies hiding from the mob in Yuu’s house.
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance! The name’s Fellow Honest, and my associate here is Gidel.”
“Wait,” interrupted Yuu, “Didn’t you say before your names were Ernesto Foulworth and Gino?”
“I’ve said our names were lots of things,” Fellow/Ernesto replied smoothly.
Rollo had several more complaints at that point, but since Yuu was already splitting off with Gino/Gidel and Grim there was nothing to be done about it. Then “looking after Gidel” had turned out to mean “be a lookout while Gino tried to pickpocket town residents.” They had quickly put a stop to that, before they noticed Crowley in town doing some shopping, and decided Gidel could do a little pickpocketing, as a treat, as long as he picked the right target. They used part of the proceeds to get some hot chocolate for themself and Gino (plus some quality tuna for Grim), and the rest to get some essentials they needed since people kept moving into Ramshackle without warning. If Crowley was going to unilaterally decide that Yuu had to host the new groundskeepers (who were definitely unsuspicious and had real names), then Crowley could pay for the extra-large bottle of pet shampoo.
Eventually Yuu got back, fed the fire fairies, and trudged back to their dorm. Along the way, they noticed a text from Malleus saying he had visited while they were out, and that he had left something for them. Upon stepping inside, Yuu easily spotted the deep green envelope from their boyfriend sitting on the table in the foyer. Opening it revealed a winter-themed gift card with a personalized message. Malleus had wished them a merry Christmas, and promised further gifts were on the way. Yuu assumed he hadn’t wanted to leave whatever he got them lying around where Rollo, Ernesto and Gidel, Grim, or even one of the ghosts could find and mess with it.
Then they saw the tree. It was a small ornamental pear tree, inexplicably covered in green leaves and little white flowers in the dead of winter. Yuu suspected it was a nursery sapling, looking at the plastic pot. There was also a bird sitting in the branches. It was grey with an orange head, and looked like a pheasant, from the shape of its body.
“What is that!?” exclaimed Grim.
“A tree, apparently,” Yuu responded, looking around to see if there was any indication where it came from.
“I know it’s a tree, henchhuman! What is it doing in here!?”
“I’m not sure. Me and Rollo were talking about Christmas trees last week,” (specifically, they had been talking about how Rollo thought they were too ostentatious, since he was the most puritan Isekai-Roman-Catholic that Yuu had ever met), “Maybe one of the ghosts overheard and decided to buy a random tree to make me feel less homesick?”
“Yeesh, couldn’t they have at least shooed the bird away first?” That part was actually kind of weird, since as far as Yuu knew, pheasants were ground birds, and did not roost in trees. They let the bird free, watered the tree, and went to thank the ghosts for the gesture. They seemed confused at having been found out so quickly, but Yuu put it out of their mind and went to bed.
The next day was spent trying to replant the tree outside. Yuu sincerely doubted that it would survive the winter, but it definitely wouldn’t survive inside, either. Its roots were already straining against the pot, about to start choking itself out. They did the best they could anyway, getting Grim to use magic to warm the frozen dirt while they dug. Even with his help, it still took all day, and by the time they turned around to go back inside the sun had started to set.
As soon as they came inside, they noticed the commotion. Fellow, Gino, Rollo, and the ghosts were all fussing about something in the living room. Walking in, they followed everyone’s gaze up toward the light fixture, and quickly spotted the problem. A pair of doves were perched up there, flapping away every time Ernesto or Rollo tried to reach up for them. One of the birds gave a disgruntled coo on making eye contact with Yuu. They couldn’t understand a word of any of the bird languages, but Rollo snapped, “Don’t be ridiculous, this is their house!” and made another unsuccessful jump at them.
“Okay, everyone quit harassing the birds, that approach clearly isn’t working.” Once the group had retreated into the foyer, Yuu continued, “First off, does anyone know how a pair of— what are those, mourning doves? Anyway, how did they get in here?”
“Turtle doves, actually,” supplied Fellow, “And I haven’t the foggiest idea. They’re refusing to give us anything but insults, and Gidel and I were in our room all day before the ghosts asked for help, working on our plan for the school we’re gonna found once we’re in less hot water!” Gidel nodded in agreement.
Rollo sneered, “I was composing some emails to the rest of the student council, and— wait, turtle doves? Are you sure?” At Ernesto’s nod, a look of realization crossed Rollo’s face and he shouted, “That utter lech!” and stormed off somewhere. Yuu had no idea who he was referring to, since he had called pretty much every single person they knew “that lech” at one point or another. For all they knew, something one of the birds said had been incredibly vulgar, but only in turtledove dialect.
In any case, after the ghosts confirmed that they hadn’t noticed the birds come in either, Yuu came to a realization. “This might actually be my fault, guys,” they said, “I didn’t lock the door when Grim and I left since my hands were full. If I also didn’t push it closed properly, then they could have flown in that way, and then gotten stuck if the wind blew the door closed.”
“Why didn’t Grim lock up, he wasn’t carrying anything?” asked Fellow.
In response, Grim held up one of his paws, “I’m sorry, but do you see any thumbs? I can’t hold the key properly, genius!”
“Point taken. So with that little mystery potentially solved, do you have any idea how to make them leave? Because let me tell you, they do not want to go out in the cold!”
Yuu sighed, “Eh, whatever, let’s just let them stay tonight. It’s not like they’re my first surprise houseguest.”
As if on cue, a gangly-looking ghost, who had shown up on Yuu’s first Halloween in Twisted Wonderland and then kept stopping by whenever he felt like it, poked his head through the wall. “Um, were any of you gentlepeople aware that a pair of rather uncouth turtle doves are roosting in the living room?”
While the “Spirit of Halloween,” or whatever he called himself, set to smooching Ernesto and Gino, Yuu noticed another card from Malleus on the table. It conveyed his condolences at missing them once again, and another promise of a forthcoming gift. Idly, Yuu wondered if they could get him to evict the birds when he stopped by again.
The following day, Yuu stayed in. This time, they were determined to actually see their boyfriend, and exchange presents, even if it was two days late. The box with the little snowflake earrings they had gotten him as soon as they realized he was giving them something was clutched in their hands as they waited by the front door.
Soon enough, they heard the flapping of the winged beasts that pulled Malleus’s carriage around now that he couldn’t just teleport halfway across the world whenever he wanted. They instantly rushed to the door, pushed it open, and stopped, staring in confusion at the large cage full of chickens that he was unloading. Noticing them, Malleus immediately straightened up, grinning as widely as Yuu had ever seen, “Yuu! Merry Christmas, my beloved Child of Man!”
Yuu took in his adorable, fanged grin, and then reluctantly looked away towards the chickens, a suspicion beginning to form, “Are those…?”
“French hens!” Malleus looked incredibly pleased with himself, and Yuu realized what was happening the past few days.
“Then the turtle doves yesterday… And that must have been a partridge on Christmas…” Malleus nodded, and then looked confused when Yuu burst into laughter. “Merry Christmas, Hornton,” they eventually managed to get out, handing him the little box.
Malleus eagerly opened it and replaced the emerald studs he was already wearing with the dangling silver snowflakes. They swayed as he moved his head, catching the light and Yuu’s attention, until he asked, “I take it I was not actually meant to get you the specific gifts from the song?”
“No Hornton,” they said, shoulders shaking with fresh laughter, “no you did not.” For some reason, even though they were laughing at him, when Yuu looked up at Malleus’s expression, it was indescribably fond, and still a little self-satisfied, as if he had gotten exactly what he had been after, despite the confusion. As their laughter calmed back down, a thought occurred. “Hey, Hornton,” they started, “if you were gonna take whatever Christmas song I picked as literal instructions, what would have happened if I sang Santa Baby?”
“I’m sure I can’t guess, why don’t you sing it now?”